lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
