apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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