he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
