Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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