Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
