Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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