She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
