dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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