How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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