Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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