i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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