I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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