Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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