I hate all girls vehemently.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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