I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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