he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
