think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
