just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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