Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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