peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Everything about him screamed your future.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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