Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
