i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
