Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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