don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize