Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
