Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
