You just made me feel so damn special
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
