Sorry, I don't speak sober.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
