I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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