I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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