party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
