i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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