So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
