this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
