hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
