The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
