Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
