I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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