I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
