I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
