If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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