Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
