Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
