my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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