it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
