i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
