The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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