just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
