I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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