I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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