plz talk dirty to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
