he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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