can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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