her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
