someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
