Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
