cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
