yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize