I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
