There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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