We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
