How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
