I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just pee around me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
