Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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