I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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