If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
