is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
