woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
