dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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