Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
smell my finger.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
