I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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